Posted by: whatallisonsees | May 28, 2009

I’m a mut.

Turns out – I’ve been gone longer than I thought.

A couple weeks ago, I was ‘home’ in College Station, Texas, land of Texas A&M, where I went to grad school.  I thought I would engage in comfort food, good ole people and some familiar tradition.  Weird thing, though, because instead, most of the time I was whining about mosquitos and feeling very out of place in some old stomping grounds.

One night we went to Hurricane Harry’sHurricane Harry's(how many cowboy hats can you spot?)

For the first time, I think I knew what it felt like to not be a Texan in a Texan situation.  I looked around at this bar in genuine disbelief for the first 5 minutes I was there.  It didn’t feel real – how could there seriously be so many cowboys in one place.  The way people were talking, interacting, drinking, the thickness of the Texas overwhelmed me.  I thought I was in a movie set!

And then it dawned on me. I’m home, though. This is exactly what I brag about, what I love about Texas, so how is it possible that I don’t feel like I fit there. Have I changed that much? Am I a phony? Am I even a Texan any more if I don’t fit in?

So many questions were running through my mind. Now, I’ve thought about it some more and the reality of the situation is that I have changed. As much as I thought I knew who I was – somewhere amidst the traveling, working all over the world, moving to Chicago, rock climbing… somehow “Hurricane Harry’s” isn’t me any more. Its a little sad – because of how dearly I love my state and all its thick cowboy culture, but it is now just where I am from and no longer who I am.

I think its a good thing.  It means I am evolving and growing from my experiences, but in a not as dramatic as it seems way, if I am not a Texan, then who am I? I guess for now – the only answer is a nomad. Traveling and learning from new people wherever I go and taking a piece of each place with me when I leave. Guess that makes me a mut.  🙂


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